Getting him out of my head....

I am exhausted. I haven't slept in weeks.

After two years now of Pseudo and I dancing around each other, I've come to realize that I am slightly attached to him. I miss his smile, his hugs, and talking to him.

But I don't miss his denial, his unsupportive attitude, and his constant flirting with anything on two legs.

Several months ago, he and I talked, and we came to realize we were very slowly building on our "friendship", however, his attachment to one of his agents was slowly pushing me to a point where I didn't believe him anymore. It was simply his actions. He said the most beautiful things to me, but when it came down to it, he didn't do anything to prove it.

Those that know both of us, know we are a good match, but that he simply can't focus on one thing long enough to even consider a relationship. He doesn't bother to make enough time to even have friends. So after 8 months of torturing myself with his constant flirting with her in front of me, and then his attention to me when she wasn't around, I let him go. I couldn't handle the back and forth anymore. I am starting to believe this was probably one of the best and worst decisions I have ever made. Still doesn't make it easier to sleep....

I know I have lost my best friend, someone I cared about very deeply, and connected on a level I have not before.

While I am fully aware that the friendship and such is over, I still can't stop thinking about him. Why is that? I wake up in the middle of the night, and I am angry or upset for hours and can't go back to sleep. That man really hurt me, and I am angry at myself for letting him do it.

I have my new friend now, who presents a good distraction. He calls me, just because he wants to hear my voice. He texts me, because he wants to know how or what I'm doing. He stops by my desk, just to say hi. He actually makes PLANS with me. I need to come up with a good nickname for him in this blog.... Don't want to reuse Pseudo. Suggestions?

Pseudo only did a couple of those things. Primarily I think, because we spent so much time together at work, that he felt he didn't need to do anything more. Of course, making plans with me more than once a year would have been nice.

After dealing with Bill and Pseudo for so long, I didn't really think guys acted like my new friend does. I'm shocked when he wants to call me. Amazed he wants to make plans, and texts me all day. Wow, there are nice guys out there.

I guess I felt that I needed to write this down. Maybe it'll help me sleep. Looking forward to seeing Mr. NiceGuy today(that's not bad....*shrug*). Maybe we'll get to take a break together. I need to change my focus. Not ignore, just deal and move on. *sigh* This sucks.

Trying to avoid the overly melodramatic B.S. that reminds me of high school. ARG! Good luck!